Do I Have Grit?
At the end of my ninth grade year I tried out for the JV and cheer team.
I had been a cheerleader in junior high and in the ninth grade, but I didn’t fit. I was kind of a dork — -no seriously. Ask anyone from my school, they will agree.
I was an introvert. I was awkward. I had terrible hair. I was a bean pole — -skinny with no shape. I had social anxiety and I giggled when I was anxious. I did not hang out with anyone popular. But…I did make the teams both in junior high and in the ninth grade.
So, when I tried out for JV, I was now up against a lot more competition. Not only was I aiming for a spot within my own class, but really juniors and seniors as well. I went to the tryouts. I did what I could and what I could not do was the splits.
Going home that night I knew in my deepest parts of my soul that I did not make the team. I was pretty sad about the whole thing and considered trying out for volleyball.
A couple of days later I was pulled into the guidance office, and the cheerleading advisor was sitting there. Not knowing what to make of this, I sat down and waited. She’s probably letting me down easy, I thought.
She told me my good friend Sarah made JV. “Okay,” I answered, still confused.
“You made the Varsity team,” she now said, looking at me intently. Her words hung in the office and I glanced at the counselor staring back at me, her fingers pressed in a prayer pose. Did she just say I made the Varsity team? I didn’t have time to react when the advisor was talking again.
“Tara (not her real name) made JV…but she is a senior.”
“Okay…” I sat back looking at her still shocked, still confused. Then it dawned on me. “Oh! Oh! Oh okay I can drop down to JV.” I didn’t even question it, not because my friend was on JV but I felt horrible for taking the other girls’ spot.
As life would have it, I ended up on the Varsity team anyway that Fall. One of the other girls on that team ended up changing schools so I was bumped back in the Varsity spot. Karma was good to me, although I often wonder why she asked me and not the other freshman girl who made the team. Either way, the following year was on of my most favorite years in high school.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, I’m still that awkward, introverted, socially anxious kid deep down inside. And I still assume (most of the time) that I’m not cut out for winning. Oddly enough, I still keep trying.
I’ve been reading Grit by Angela Duckworth.
I’m reading it to get some insight into why some people persevere and others don’t. If you would have walked up to me on the street and asked me if I had grit I would probably tell you no. I probably would pretend I didn’t hear you, but that’s the introvert talking.
I don’t see myself as a person who keeps going, but when I started really thinking about it, I realized that I kinda am.
“To be gritty is to fall down seven times and stand up eight,” Duckworth writes.
I’ve certainly fallen more than a handful of times. I failed my first driver’s test (and then went back and passed), I failed my first interpreter certification test (and went back and passed). I was academically dismissed from college (and went back and graduated Magna Cum Laude).
I didn’t place at my first show, but I did place at my second (It was a smaller show).
Looking back at photos from my first show last year I felt an internal cringe. Ugh. What if I don’t have enough muscle this time around? What if I haven’t improved my posing? What if I freeze on stage again like I did?
I think about quitting. Why am I even doing this? No one is making me do this.
“Without effort, your talent is nothing more than unmet potential. Without effort, your skill is nothing more than what you could have done but didn’t.”
I have a sticky note on my work desk reminding me of this. I won’t know unless I get back up and try again. So maybe I do have some grit, afterall.
And if this doesn’t work, maybe I can join a volleyball team somewhere.