Feeling the Fluff
Last year we were headed to Mexico.
It was mid-June and we had a booked stay at an all inclusive resort. The original idea had been a cruise (I really am not a fan of cruises) but when COVID hit most cruises were canceled. Even when they began to start up again, we were a bit nervous to even try. The idea of getting stranded — or getting COVID) made us switch it up.
New vacation means new, cute clothes…and since I had been on a “cut” since January, I had lost almost 18 pounds and was sporting a size 4. I loved my new size. Sure, I wanted to be a bit more muscular but clothing fit so easily.
Fast forward a year later and not one of those items fit. Not…one.
Even my underwear is getting tight.
I’ve tried to embrace the process. I have swapped biker shorts for denim, have bought larger sizes, try not to focus on the growing belly. “I’m building muscle,” I tell myself. But mentally it goes against everything I think.
I check in each week with my coach and he wants me to be eating more — -gaining more. I know a surplus is necessary, and yes I want to add muscle. But this fluffiness, ugh. I don’t feel fit. I don’t feel attractive.
I tell myself there are much worse things. I tell myself keep the eye on the prize. I tell myself I will be missing these days when I am in a cut.
But for now, the fluff is real.