If you ever look at a dancer’s feet I can guarantee you, there will be bunions, there will be crooked toes. With bones still forming and growing, misshapen feet are bound to happen. The amount of stress we put on them is quite a lot, raising up on toes and later learning pointe.

I Have Ugly Feet

I grew up in ballet.

It was a recommendation by our family doctor at the time. I had been taking gymnastics up until then, with little girl dreams of becoming the next Nadia Comaneci. My body had other ideas though because the stress of calisthenics on my four year old frame caused horrible leg cramps at night. My mom — exasperated — took me to the doctor.

From there I was sent to a specialist who recommended cutting my Achilles tendon. This seemed extreme so my family doctor suggested ballet, to help lengthen the muscles and tendons. Apparently it worked because the leg cramps stopped and I never needed surgery to slice a tendon. (Although my yoga instructor would probably tell you I still have incredibly tight Achilles)

From that point on until high school (and a short stint in college) I took ballet. Truly I loved it, but it did not love my feet.

If you ever look at a dancer’s feet I can guarantee you, there will be bunions, there will be crooked toes. With bones still forming and growing, misshapen feet are bound to happen. The amount of stress we put on them is quite a lot, raising up on toes and later learning pointe. The arch of the foot is trained to make a strong convex curve over and over again in continuous drills.

This is all well and good and fortunately I do not have foot pain unlike the podiatrist that warned me when I was in my early 20’s. “You better do something about this or you’ll be downright crippled by the time you are in your 40’s” he warned. I waved him off, avoiding surgery yet again. Thankfully he was wrong; I am not crippled.

But my feet aren’t pretty. They don’t look nice in sandals, or high heels.

I get pedicures in the summer and paint my toes, but the bunions are still there. My big toe points inward. My other toes curl under, and my arch is…odd.

I’ve never been one to wear high heels, and now perusing The Shoe Fairy website and looking at blingy, clear 5 and 6 inch heeled shoes, I wonder how I will manage scaling a stage in them — me and my sasquatch feet.

I suppose this is another hurdle to address in this journey. Body acceptance is not just about loving me, post C-section, post birthing two babies and breastfeeding, loving me in my Scottish-Irish freckled skin. Body acceptance is about all of it…including these crooked feet.

I haven’t ordered the shoes yet. Maybe I’ll start practicing in a low pump for now.