Sure, Sex Sounds Good. But Does it Fit My Macros?
One topic that doesn’t seem to be talked about widely with Bodybuilding and Competition is the effect it all has on your relationships.
Yes, it has been talked about but it seems to be a sidebar, the comment after the story the whisper to a friend, the burrowing mole in the dark corners of a long, finely manicured lawn. But if you’ve been there and you are in a relationship, you know. Heck if you are even remotely social you know.
At some point in this process everything becomes about you (in your own head). You don’t mean for it to be that way. You may be this very kind, loving, generous, compassionate person who is a giver by nature, but then it starts to shift. Suddenly, you may be thinking about food at the oddest times.
I have been on the treadmill at the gym, thinking about what I will eat when I get home, what I will eat before bed, what I will eat for breakfast the next day and even about what I will eat this coming weekend when I have a refeed. My significant other has been deep into a conversation about his job or about his family and I will realize three to four minutes in I have been thinking about when I will be eating lunch next and did I remember to bring my protein cup shaker.
It’s not fun to be friends with us during this time. It is definitely not fun to be in a romantic relationship with us.
Everything is about my macros. Macros. This word may be unfamiliar to you if you don’t diet or bodybuild. It’s short for macronutrients and is broken up into three categories (four if you include alcohol, which is debatable to be considered any form of a nutrient but you have to classify it as something if it is consumed). Protein, Carbohydrates and Fats. You may think one of these are better than the other.
Our western society is currently obsessed with protein. You can’t walk down the aisle at a grocery store without seeing PROTEIN PROTEIN PROTEIN. It’s on every label. That’s because someone advertised it as being an effective tool in weight management (which it can be, but that’s another topic for another place). And we are obsessed with demonizing carbohydrates.
I remember when our society was obsessed with fat-free everything. In college my best friend and I would eat a package of Twizzlers and declare that it was okay because it was fat-free.
But in the fitness and Bodybuilding world, protein, carbs and fats are super important because the goal is to build muscle and eventually shred the fat so balancing these can be tricky. But not one macros is inherently “bad” and all are necessary and all can be over-consumed.
Getting back to the point… we become obsessed with these macros. We track everything we put in our mouths. We weigh every bit of gram and milliliter. On top of this, we track every step we take, every minute on a treadmill or whatever cardio hell we choose. We track how many hours of sleep we had, how often we eat, how much NEAT (non-exercise ativity thermogenesis) we are producing.
This can mean that we lose focus on things like, listening to our partner vent. Like remembering to pick up almond milk at the store.
Like sex.
It’s not like we don’t want sex. We do. I do. But it becomes lower on the rung of priority. It’s activity that we may not have energy for. It’s focus when our carb-depleted brains can no longer handle focus. And we start losing grip on the things that were once important and hyper focusing on things that are not important to most people. (How many carbs are in this fill-in-the-blank).
All of this came crashing down on me this weekend when I glanced over at my partner and casually threw out with a giggle, “Are you tired of me talking about macros?” Expecting the usual response from him, I was a little stunned to hear him say yes. He explained then, that he understood. That he knows it is temporary. That he supports me fully. But at times it gets old. At times it gets hard when he needs my support and I am busy mind-wandering about how many macros I have left for the day.
I paused. My first gut reaction was hurt but then I realized that he is just being honest. I would be tired of me too. Hell, I am tired of me.
I rubbed his shoulder and smiled. I thanked him for being that amazing guy he is. I promised I would work to be more focused on the big picture. He nodded and said it was okay; he understood.
And this is why I love him.
I’ve got six more weeks to go of this.