Trusting the Process
I am at the point now where I am submitting daily pictures to my coach and scrutinizing every square centimeter of my body. I see myself as not lean enough at all. But here we are, three days from the stage, and I can’t do a lot at this point (other than bail).

Trust the Process

Stories of a Midlife Bikini Mom

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“Trust the process.”

I see this written, posted, commented with, over and over again. Every time I am scrolling through social media and see another bodybuilder post about how she doesn’t feel she is progressing enough, every time I see a Reddit post where someone is worried they are gaining too much, not losing weight fast enough, not building enough muscle, I see the response: trust the process.

Trust the process.

I trusted the process with a build/bulk last year. I am sill not sold on whether or not it was a good idea. Okay, yes we need to eat to build but deep down I feel I added too much fat making it harder with this cut. I watch YouTube videos about bikini competitors and how they don’t need a ton of surplus to put on muscle.

Did I make a mistake? I listened to my coach, right? Or did I just think I was doing it correctly and actually just put on too much?

Trust the process.

I am at the point now where I am submitting daily pictures to my coach and scrutinizing every square centimeter of my body. I see myself as not lean enough at all. But here we are, three days from the stage, and I can’t do a lot at this point (other than bail).

They say peak week can be magical, but I have my doubts. If the competitor isn’t lean enough, all of the salt/water manipulation and carb pump is fruitless.

Trust the process.

I ate a large amount of carbs yesterday — -the most I have had in weeks. While I was eating throughout the day the voice in my head kept ringing out that maybe this wasn’t the way to go. Sure, carb loading works, but only when one is depleted enough to make a difference. I don’t think I am there.

But here we are. And I am trying — desperately trying — to trust the process.

I tell myself it doesn’t really matter. This isn’t brain surgery. I am not building homes for the homeless. What I am doing is not making anyone’s life better. This is all about me and my goals. I should just have fun. I should be proud of how far I have come. I have accomplished some fitness goals that many people (some my age some younger) are not even close to accomplishing.

But I also want to be better. I have a hard time staying still when I have my eyes locked ahead.

Trust the process.

This is easier said than done but I am pushing away the doubts with both hands and jumping in the cold lake, eyes closed. It’s what I can do, for now.

Deep breaths.

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